Do you ever wish…?

So, this morning, on our Saturday morning trek across Mariner’s soccer fields, as a couple hundred people ran around us in all directions, my wife, who normally asks me whatever she wants, today choosing her words carefully, asked “[having been doing this for 21-years, struggling, pushing through, concentrating on each step… do you ever look at people and wish you could just walk like them?]”. I, almost knee-jerkingly quick replied, “definitely” or “sure”.

After reflecting over this, I kind of need to amend this answer.

I often think back to many particular moments. Running the loop up through the cemetery with jimmy Patrillo, hundreds of road miles with Kenny and Matt, monkey rolls and sled drills. I can still, in my mind, replicate how it felt to run, ride, get down and up…that dreaded mile for time.

I don’t believe I ever WISH I could run like they do, seems counterproductive to advancing beyond current challenges, I would sometimes just like to close my eyes, and walk, without the assessment of the ground ahead and the energies invested in stabilizer muscles and adrenaline surges every time I shift off center and regain my uprightness. The worst may be waking from a dream in which I’m running (often with great effort and poor form), or cycling as I once did over 60 or 80-mile jaunts. Yeah, that’d be cool, but I’ve accepted the reality of not leaping or cutting on the football field. On the football note…I’ve had a dream that was so seemingly real that for months I actually questioned whether I finished out my Senior football season. I’m pretty sure I did.

Instead of the wishing for things, it’s working towards a goal and acknowledging those “small” victories or accomplishments. maybe that’s how I keep my sanity… kinda.

A few awesome experiences: snow boarding on the plastic toboggan sleds under full moon with Matt Herdeker, pretending we were James Bond, swimming out bikes across the river (that was dumb), climbing up the beams to the top of the train tressle in Sidney with Hudson Cutting III